I am Clay

Sometimes, first thing in the morning I have a few soft and brilliant thoughts. They always come in that quiet space of time, just before the gravity of the day hits me, while I rub my eyes into focus and hear the soft snoring of my dog. Coltrane's presence and warmth next to me is a comfort and makes me giggle. You have never seen a dog so content as he is when he is allowed to sleep all night on my bed.

This particular morning, I thought of my friend who I had chatted with the night before. He was struggling. Lamenting that he was a "victim of his own bad choices" I pressed him for more details. What's going on? I am here to listen. How can I help you?

He struggled.

He told me that negotiating life with his wife has caused him to compromise too much of himself. Her worries, her issues were all too easily blamed on him. She would get annoyed that he wouldn't come to bed. It hurt her feelings. Well, he's an insomniac and it's not about hurting her, he can't sleep.

Just one of the many things, but it boiled down to something basic. He has lost some direction. In trying to be all he can be to his wife, he has forgotten to do that for himself. However, he is a competitive guy and has never been one for just "settling" and hence he struggles.

He struggles because he is hearing is heart. He is hearing his spirit. He is hearing that beautiful voice within telling him, "This is not right. This needs to change. We are suffering now, but we will suffer more if this continues. You must change this situation. What will you do?"

I reminded him of who he is: You are loving. Driven. Loyal. Kind hearted. Passionate. Pain in the ass. Spiritual. Funny. And then I told him, that while life experiences shape us, we are really the same person all the way through. There is a core part of us that always is, no matter the situation.

The core part of me will always be the same too. I am also Loyal, kind, loving and have an open and warm heart. I am incapable of really truly lying. I am compassionate. I believe the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (Shout out to Spock) and I will defend the little guy to the bitter end, so don't try me on that one. I will win.

My spirit woke me this morning with my sweet and softly brilliant thought, "I am Clay." Hmmm...am I a lump of goo? Well, maybe sometimes. But I'd like to be more introspective about that. To think of what clay BECOMES is amazing. With so many options-clay can become any sort of container: bowls, coffee mugs, pitchers, plates and vases. Or maybe something less "useful" but more aesthetic: figurines, piggy banks you'll never break, or maybe a sculpture that make no sense.

Too think a lumpy shapeless piece of "mud" could become something beautiful is special. The journey it takes is significant in that there are so many variables and experiences that will mold and shape the clay into something that resembles the end result. The wheel will spin faster or slower, hands will guide and provide the boundaries of movement, water smooths out the friction-allowing movement and shaping to take place.

Hands use pressure, sometimes with more force and at other moments a light touch for details. If the wheel spins too fast or the hands are too rough, a beginning structure will crumble and collapse in on itself. Then, hands must pound the clay back into a beginning lump to start from again. It is the vision of the artist and a combination of mistakes and lovely intention that bring a lump of mud into something beautiful.

At our cores, we are all a lump of clay. Life spins us like the pottery wheel. Sometimes life is too fast or slow, but then it depends on the pressures and experiences that our applied to our core's that shape us. If too much is applied too fast, we collapse under pressure and unrealistic expectations. If it's too slow and light, we will remain mostly a shapeless lump. Very unexciting indeed.

To remember that even as muddy goo, we have so much potential. Even if we have to collapse and start from a humble beginning again and again, there is always the expansive possibility of becoming anything we want. I am Clay. My Spirit is the artist with the vision to what and who I will become. My heart is the water that allows the movement and shaping. My Inner voice is what guides me through the pressures of the spinning wheel that is my Life.

I am Clay and the possibilities are Endless.....