I am Clay

Sometimes, first thing in the morning I have a few soft and brilliant thoughts. They always come in that quiet space of time, just before the gravity of the day hits me, while I rub my eyes into focus and hear the soft snoring of my dog. Coltrane's presence and warmth next to me is a comfort and makes me giggle. You have never seen a dog so content as he is when he is allowed to sleep all night on my bed.

This particular morning, I thought of my friend who I had chatted with the night before. He was struggling. Lamenting that he was a "victim of his own bad choices" I pressed him for more details. What's going on? I am here to listen. How can I help you?

He struggled.

He told me that negotiating life with his wife has caused him to compromise too much of himself. Her worries, her issues were all too easily blamed on him. She would get annoyed that he wouldn't come to bed. It hurt her feelings. Well, he's an insomniac and it's not about hurting her, he can't sleep.

Just one of the many things, but it boiled down to something basic. He has lost some direction. In trying to be all he can be to his wife, he has forgotten to do that for himself. However, he is a competitive guy and has never been one for just "settling" and hence he struggles.

He struggles because he is hearing is heart. He is hearing his spirit. He is hearing that beautiful voice within telling him, "This is not right. This needs to change. We are suffering now, but we will suffer more if this continues. You must change this situation. What will you do?"

I reminded him of who he is: You are loving. Driven. Loyal. Kind hearted. Passionate. Pain in the ass. Spiritual. Funny. And then I told him, that while life experiences shape us, we are really the same person all the way through. There is a core part of us that always is, no matter the situation.

The core part of me will always be the same too. I am also Loyal, kind, loving and have an open and warm heart. I am incapable of really truly lying. I am compassionate. I believe the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (Shout out to Spock) and I will defend the little guy to the bitter end, so don't try me on that one. I will win.

My spirit woke me this morning with my sweet and softly brilliant thought, "I am Clay." Hmmm...am I a lump of goo? Well, maybe sometimes. But I'd like to be more introspective about that. To think of what clay BECOMES is amazing. With so many options-clay can become any sort of container: bowls, coffee mugs, pitchers, plates and vases. Or maybe something less "useful" but more aesthetic: figurines, piggy banks you'll never break, or maybe a sculpture that make no sense.

Too think a lumpy shapeless piece of "mud" could become something beautiful is special. The journey it takes is significant in that there are so many variables and experiences that will mold and shape the clay into something that resembles the end result. The wheel will spin faster or slower, hands will guide and provide the boundaries of movement, water smooths out the friction-allowing movement and shaping to take place.

Hands use pressure, sometimes with more force and at other moments a light touch for details. If the wheel spins too fast or the hands are too rough, a beginning structure will crumble and collapse in on itself. Then, hands must pound the clay back into a beginning lump to start from again. It is the vision of the artist and a combination of mistakes and lovely intention that bring a lump of mud into something beautiful.

At our cores, we are all a lump of clay. Life spins us like the pottery wheel. Sometimes life is too fast or slow, but then it depends on the pressures and experiences that our applied to our core's that shape us. If too much is applied too fast, we collapse under pressure and unrealistic expectations. If it's too slow and light, we will remain mostly a shapeless lump. Very unexciting indeed.

To remember that even as muddy goo, we have so much potential. Even if we have to collapse and start from a humble beginning again and again, there is always the expansive possibility of becoming anything we want. I am Clay. My Spirit is the artist with the vision to what and who I will become. My heart is the water that allows the movement and shaping. My Inner voice is what guides me through the pressures of the spinning wheel that is my Life.

I am Clay and the possibilities are Endless.....

Swishing Tales

It’s an eclectic bunch who cruise Greenlake. Street musicians smatter the perimeter, offering unsolicited but harmless commentary. Walkers cruise at their own comfortable speed. Sometimes there is a coffee in one hand and a conversational hand gesture in the other. There are people with dogs. People walking mindfully alone. Mothers with children who sometimes walk in groups. The kids themselves typically are watching, taking it all in from their strollers.

One toddler noticed us. Her eyes became saucers as we approached. With awe, “Mama! Look! That’s a lot of dogs and one lady!” Mama looked up and our eyes met, both of us laughing. She told her toddler, “Yes honey you’re right. That is a lot of dogs and one lady.”

One woman. Ten dogs. That tends to stop people in their tracks. Ten happy swishing tails. Forty-two feet clicking in rhythm together. A look of calm across the faces of the pack moving together in unison. Most every passerby smiles in acknowledgement, some scowl at the poop making machines and almost everyone else ogles. We have been stopped for photo opportunities. Sometimes people ask and sometimes they don’t. Either way we stop and smile happily, but it doesn’t matter as long as we keep moving.

Movement is what makes this possible. With ten noses constantly testing the air for Eau de Squirrel and de Pigeon, their focus on me and the path ahead is what keeps us together. It is a personal challenge to keep instincts from snatching the leashes from my hands. For the dogs it’s a challenge to stay focused and use their teamwork and energy to make it around the lake.

As people approach, watching a formation of smiling dogs and wagging tails, they wonder how I do it out loud. Often we will hear “How do you manage all of them? I can barely handle one!” or the ever popular, “Wow! I can’t believe they all get along! How do you do it?” If we are just walking by I simply smile broadly and say “Practice!” It seems like a smart ass reply, but I am sincere. I pride myself on the fact that we are there walking the lake as a team. All of my dogs enjoy being there and it shows.

Distractions and interruptions are constant and bombard us from every angle. With an invisible shield of understanding, the dogs ignore it and tune into me. They mirror my energy, my emotions. If I am having an off day, where I feel disjointed and unbalanced, they do too. Their movements become erratic while they jockey for a place in formation, unhappy with where they end up. Sometimes I swear I can hear them whine, “But I was there first! That’s my spot! You NEVER let me have the outside so I can bark at the bikers! NO FAIR!” It is funny too, because whatever “spot” they have when we start our journey is the one that they want to keep for the duration. No matter how many stops we have, or people stopping to take pictures and shrilly announce how amazing this is and “Oooohh my goodness, you guys are just the cutesiest things EVER!” Their excitement spreads to the dogs who begin to jump up and want to get closer to be loved on and hence, tangle their leashes. I untangle the leashes and as we walk away, each dog seeking their original place in line.

Our Zen radiates to all those wandering folk who pass by with smiles. On days where I am focused and calm, we are a moving, balanced being. There is lightness in the synchronicity of our steps, and our movement around the lake. My head is up, shoulders back my arms are relaxed and swinging in rhythm to my own walk, which determines theirs. In perfect movements, even the dogs step together in unison. The dogs feel one another, their calm hovering over their bodies and mine, floating us around the lake. It is a calmness of movement gets noticed too. Once a woman stopped and stared at us, smiling with her friend as she said “Wow. You all look really Zen.” It was true. We were very present in our own moment and world.

While we are present in our Zen moments in our walk, so are others who pass us. One young woman stopped to talk to me after we were finished, getting ready to get back into the car. She was probably in her mid twenties and twinkled with peacefulness. She smiled when she spoke. “Oh! I saw you yesterday walking and I meant to stop you and say something about how great you all are! This is amazing! But what I wanted to tell you was that after I saw you yesterday I went on about my day. Every once in a while I would stop, think of seeing you all and I would smile. I just really wanted you to know that you brought me a lot of Joy. Thank you for bringing me so much Joy!”

And all I did was walk around the lake. One woman. Ten dogs. Amazing.